What people often fail to realise is that of a man’s top 100 worst moments in his life significantly more than half will occur while having a meaningful conversation. Is it any wonder that we shy away from them?
Rarely does the phrase “we need to talk” herald a conversation about how great a lover you are, what a brilliant hair style you have, or that there appears to be some extra chocolate biscuits going spare “could you manage them?”.
“Look, I need to say this, I have fifty pounds I don’t know how to spend – could you spend it for me?”
It just doesn’t happen.
Hearing that a conversation is on the cards is like discovering you’re playing in the next round of Russian Roulette. Even if you don’t get hurt there’s a good chance someone is going to. So it’s no surprise that for many men “we need to talk” sparks off a dread that this could be the start of a long debate about his inadequate penis, or that she’s having an affair or simply that he has failed in life and must stop spending money on beer.
Worse still he may be forced to admit that there is something he finds imperfect about her – a confession that will lead to tears, recriminations, and a life time of resentment – “can’t we just put up with each other’s inadequacies?” He thinks.
Even worse still you may find yourself in a conversation about the need to have more conversations. It’s like wondering into an emotional minefield only to find that the only way out is through an infinite number of other minefields, each step with the capacity to tear out your heart or blow off your balls.
Of course the initiator may be thinking, “yes, we must clear up the way the dishes should be stacked” or “I’m a bit worried about money, we should have a chat and work out what we can afford over the next year” and will understandably believe this to be reasonable grounds for having a conversation but also not particularly see the subject as emotionally charged – but they’re wrong – no matter how mundane the subject of the conversation to come the fact that *any* conversation is about to occur is like waiting for the jury to announce guilty or not guilty.
As the judge places a black cap on her head it’s only a small relief to discover that you’re to discuss tomorrow’s shopping list. Like a dog that’s electrocuted one in three times a bell is rung it doesn’t mean you don’t wet yourself every time it goes off.
Recommendations:
- Trying initiating a “we need to talk” moment about how lovely he is.
- If the subject is mundane be clear from the get go. “I want to discuss milk with you, and this has nothing to do with your inadequate genitalia” could be one approach.
- The promise of a treat at the end of every conversation might eventually lead to not having to initiate those conversations yourself at all. If he’s thinking “talking about my feelings = delicious cakesome reward” he may come to look forward to heart to hearts.
- If the conversation is going to be a difficult one try the shit sandwich approach where you precede and post script the negative with something positive. “I love your sense of humour. I expect you to do more housework. Sometimes I worry your penis is too big, please reassure me with it.” Like that.
Just thinking aloud.